Wednesday, December 9, 2009

A Disney Moment

So, ya wanna be a hero, kid?
Well, whoop-de-do!
I have been around the block before
With blockheads just like you

Now, if I got a penny every time I lived through a moment that required just such a rejoinder...

I'd probably buy Kensington Gardens, all 275 acres of it - my kid loves it.

But that's quite beside the point.

One'd think that with all the thesauri in the world and seven centuries of romance literature the mankind would get the bloody point and quit wasting their time with imaginary opponents and neverending quests.

My dear knight in shining armour wannabes... it's the one best with the ladder who gets the damsel in the high tower, so you might as well start practicing - on that light bulb right over there.

Sure, elaborate apparel might be a plus (then again, it might not... if we wanted to date a peacock, we'd volunteer at the local zoo), as might the good background (who knows, you just might get lucky and hook up with a professional breeder) and I think we'll all agree that a big, shiny sword is a definite 'pro' point in any book, however...

There's more to life than grand gestures. In fact, life with a partner is all but grand gestures: it's all about bills and backrubs and taking the trash out, dealing with pesky traveling salesmen (and women), picking out the perfect birthday gift for that one member of the extended family you both hate the most, and picking out the right moment to keep your mouth shut or busy.

Let me get one thing straight right now:

A relationship does not equal sharing your life with someone. Hell, I have a 'relationship' with my father-in-law, but I'd rather snuggle with a skunk than share my living arrangements with the man for any given period of time!

Relationships come with a switch you can flip off every time the person you're sharing it with is not around. They're the 'Out of sight, out of hair' sort of thing. Sharing your life with someone, on the other hand, requires 'constant vigilance' - you're either on call 24/7, or you're not sharing. It's as simple as that.

So, allow me to reiterate: if you're in it for the 'relationship', get a bloody cat and be done with it - it'll keep you company and occasionally piss all over your stuff just the same, but you won't have to worry about the emotional aspect (as long as the feeding bowl is full and the litter box regularly emptied, that is).

Oh, for fuck's sake... It just dawned on me I married a feline! *groans*

1 comment:

  1. Great humour with a leavening of wisdom, nice work :P